I am a constant catastrophe,
But I’ve flown under the radar because
In times of crisis, I am calm.
Mom is suicidal,
Daddy’s in a coma,
Sister is engaged but can’t buy cigarettes on her own.
I am starving,
But Boyfriend is yelling and swinging for the fences, so
Hunger takes a back seat.
Besides, maybe my bones will advertise my frailty for me so
I won’t have to say it.
Grandma is dying and Papa needs some time to tell her he loves her without
So I take the names and the grudges, but I cherish the “thank you.”
New boyfriend is unemployed and too sad to look, so
School can wait because I’m smart without books anyways.
I’m sad too, but emotion doesn’t pay the bills,
So it’s two jobs for the next five years, and I sneak a degree in too.
But Boyfriend of the Same Name and Different Genetics is unstable and we cry after sex.
We never got a hold on how to deal with our self hatred, so it’s back to on my own.
Suicidal doesn’t feed the cats or keep the lights on,
So I cut the way that keeps me alive and
I look for outlets in the usual suspects.
Then Grandma is dying again,
Daddy’s still drunk,
Mom is on Sister’s side,
So no one is really speaking.
Future fiancé can’t stand to touch me, but
He holds me when I cry,
And he doesn’t ask questions,
So he gets to stay.
I have a tether in my storm,
The lightening strikes nearby, but never direct,
And though there is chaos,
Nothing is cataclysmic.